mommy woes!!

from April of this year i have embarked on a new journey ..... and right now am going through such a rush of all kinds of emotions that i surely need to vent them out somewhere. my baby has suddenly supposedly become a very big boy, at 5 years, which he definitely isn't feeling . he has entered kindergarten and a new school, where he needs to study hard, read and write , learn spellings, go by bus , eat food in the school cafeteria and do numerous other things as the school deems "necessary for the growth and development of the child" .
every morning is a struggle for me and for him even to wake up as we push ourselves to 'adjust to the new routine' , dawdling while brushing teeth and wearing the school "uniform". when every part of me wants to cling to him to not let go .... to let his childhood be just for some more time!
As a kid I always had to try really hard to fight butterflies in my tummy, tears rolling down my cheek at the snap of a finger for seemingly no reason at all, to try and fit into social situations and among people I never really belonged..... not that i have changed much , i now just know that thats ME and i feel comfortable with myself.
I know that one day the adjustment process will be complete and over for him too....that one day he will happily wave goodbye to me with his most precious smile from the bus window and I really hope it is sooner than later but until then ....... well I just dont see the point of all this struggle about being a big boy when he is clearly not and need not be until he feels ready to assert his own independence. i dont see the hurry for starting formal education and the obsession over reading and writing when every child will inherently willingly and naturally do it in their own time.... with joy and curiosity. In the meanwhile there are a thousand things that children can discover about themselves and this wonderful world around them. why do we need to sow the seeds of boredom drudgery and unconcerned apathetic feelings that they most often encounter from the adult world so early in life!!
I just wish that i can be the one who holds his hands when he leads the way and shows me visions of rainbows full of love laughter innocence and real heartfelt joy.